Randomness

Randomness

1. First off I owe Marla a HUGE big thank you for her brilliant icing idea. She suggested emptying the contents of the Focalin capsules into spoonfuls of icing. T. won't eat applesauce, pudding, etc. ... any of the "normal" stuff you'd put meds into .... but he LOVES icing. Marla, you are a lifesaver! If you lived close enough, I'd offer to pick up Maizie for the day and bring her to my house and give you the whole day off. Besides the fact that I'm sure you could use a break, I have a feeling she'd fall in love with little E. in about 2 seconds!! By the way, for those wondering, we tried the Daytrana patch and it wasn't as effective as the Focalin XR.

2. Well it turns out D. isn't the lazy good-for-nothing PITA I've made him out to be. The sleep study I insisted he get revealed he has sleep apnea. Finally ..... a reason why he hasn't been able to get out of bed until 11 or 12 or 1 every weekend for months and months now. Not to mention why he goes into work late .... long after I've got T. up and ready for school, dropped him off and come home and cried my eyes out from all the stress and aggravation. D. is going back to the ENT to figure out the course of treatment for sleep apnea ... most likely a CPAP machine.

3. And more importantly (for me ... may sound selfish, but right now I need HELP!) D. has finally started helping me in the mornings with getting T. up and getting meds in .... a VERY big deal ..... for which I am VERY grateful.

4. I am also reading the above book which T's therapist loaned me when I asked for one of her favorite ADHD books. Check out this page for an excellent summary of some of the book's most helpful points. For example, this afternoon, T. lost his TV privileges as a consequence of X. When he continued to whine and complain and engage in unsafe behavior, I told him he needed to think of 2 things he could do to make up for the aggravation he caused me. He came up with cleaning off his Art Table without my even having to ask him (a BIG deal .... I was very proud of him!) and I suggested emptying the silverware portion of the dishwasher).

5. I'm going back to the psychiatrist tomorrow to figure out what we're going to do about T's sleep issues ...... we'll also discuss short-acting Focalin. Many of you know he's a night waker and often can't go back to sleep. Well, now that he's taking stimulants, he frequently has difficulty falling asleep as well. Sometimes Melatonin helps, sometimes (especially when we forget to take it because Mommy is barely functioning from all this lack of sleep!) he is still up at midnight doing science experiments wearing nothing but a GoodNite (are you picturing this?).

6. E. wore her first pair of jeans today. You could just die from the cuteness. Oh and those of you with girls, feel free to recommend your favorite brand of tights.

7. Did I mention I lost 3 pounds? I now weigh 11 pounds less than when I delivered my almost 7 pound baby but hey, at least the scale is finally moving in the right direction!

You Guys

You guys are the best. Really.

I think I've yelled and cried more in the last 2 weeks than in my entire life.

I am so at the end of my rope but your comments have done a lot to keep me hanging on. Now if I could just get my husband to get off his a-- and give me some help .... and we could just find an ADHD med that T. would actually take/use (as opposed to spitting several rounds of in my face)before he seriously injures someone or causes real damage (as opposed to simply cosmetic damage) to our house, that would be nice. Oh, and while we're at it, here's a catch-22 for you: what do you do when you need an adhd med in order to get your child's impulsivity under control enough so that you can his adhd meds IN him? Are you following me??!!

I'm thinking sedation .......



And I'm only half kidding .......

Alright, I could go on (mostly about the husband, but I'm so angry right now that I might blow a gasket, whatever that is ....) but on the flip side:

T. joined Cub Scouts this year and so far seems to be enjoying it. This is a really BIG deal for him as he isn't interested in any sports and hasn't been to a birthday party in ages so any kind of positive social interaction is really important for him. He's had 2 meetings so far and seems to really like it. He's over the moon about the Boat Regatta in October and the Pinewood Derby in January.

I took E. with me to get a pedicure last night (while T. was at a Cub Scout meeting). She was so interested in watching the tech paint my nails. She sat in my lap the whole time leaning over so far that at one point I was sure she was going to end up in the foot bath. And she couldn't have been happier, smiling the whole time. The woman in the chair next to me said ""Gee, you could take her anywhere, couldn't you?"

Why yes I could, I told her. And I do. And she pretty much smiles at anyone and everyone (I realize I'm probably jinxing it as I type this). In fact after seeing her smile for about an hour and a half first while I was in the waiting room feeding her, then in his office for my appointment, and then in the waiting room while I finished feeding her and changing a poopy diaper, T's psychiatrist noticed how perpetually happy she was and remarked: "That's just not right!"

Yeah, for who? For business?

Because frankly my dear, it's working pretty well for me!

Crap

I miss all of you. Thank you for your comments and emails checking in to see if we're all ok.


As you might have guessed: NO.


The slightly longer answer (which isn't really an answer, just a quote from a show, 2 points if you can name the show): ".... it's like there's 50 feet of crap, then rock bottom, then me (us)."

Thank goodness for my smiling little E. Without her, I may have jumped off a bridge weeks ago. She is 5 months old now and continues to light up our lives.

I'm not ready to get into all the details of the crap just yet but I will be soon (I think).

I hope you're all doing well. I'm trying to check in from time to time. I've been getting very little help from D. lately so I've fallen way behind on reading and commenting.

I'm OK, We're OK

I'm ok. Thank you to those of you have checked in on me. I've missed all of you so much. I've been trying to keep up with most of your posts and trying to comment here and there.

My summer? Has been wonderful and terrible all at the same time.


We have an appointment next month with a psychiatrist (different than the one who diagnosed the Asperger's) to evaluate T*. for ADHD. Prompting from the IEP team and a number of recent life-threatening situations resulting from his out-of-control impulsivity (is that redundant?) gave me the kick-in-the-pants I needed to take this next step. I think meds to treat ADHD are long overdue. So it's been a hard summer for ALL of us.

And wonderful too. T. still resents the tremendous amount of time and attention his baby sister requires, but he is also getting used to our new life and even enjoying her presence.

And why not? E. ** is an absolute joy. She is calm and happy 99 percent of the time. And now that I've typed that, I'm sure the whole thing will go up in smoke, right? I'll admit .... part of me is always waiting for the other shoe to drop ..... terrible, I know. I'm continually shocked by her ability to go with the flow and just adapt. I suppose some of that is simply being a second child. But I suspect there's more to it than that. I think G-d knew what (s)he was doing when giving me this child second.

Why the lack of posts? Well, to start off E. did not sleep through the night until recently. Prior to that she was sleeping 2-3 hours at a time which meant multiple night feedings.

Then add to that T.'s not sleeping through the night. At one point during the first 2 months I seriously thought we weren't going to survive.

But mostly?

I hold her.


A lot.

Like pretty much all day.

Instead of doing the things I'm "supposed" to be doing.

Like writing the 6,000 thank you notes that are now months overdue (so embarrassing and so not me).

Or tackling the laundry that I just can't seem to keep up with.

Or making dinner (the "I just had a baby" excuse only goes so far).

At first she really needed to be held all the time.

But lately?

I'm the one who needs it.

I'm acutely aware of how quickly this time is passing, and I just want to savor every second of it.

Thank G-d SB has been in day camp. Getting him out of bed in the morning and into the car has been hellish these last several weeks but after the 20-30 minute ride to drop him off at camp, E. and I are free (does that sound bad?) to just enjoy each other. I am simultaneously riddled with guilt and so grateful to have this special time alone with her.

Strangers see us together and frequently ask if she's my first. I'm guessing it has to do with how much I seem to be enjoying myself. I know what they're thinking .... just wait. You'll see. But that's the thing. I HAVE seen. I know what comes next or should come next or might not come next. So yes, I AM enjoying every single second of this.

I can't tell you how many times I've sat down to blog only to find myself at the computer, completely overwhelmed by all the emotions and at a loss for words. There's so much to say about both my kids (I still can't get used to saying "kids") that I just end up not saying anything.

---------


My sweet E.,

It's hard to believe you'll be 4 months old next week. You weigh almost 15 pounds and you are full of pudgy baby fat. Daddy likes to call you the "Michelin baby" ..... seriously we now have to take the rolls into account when buying clothing. You can still wear some of your 3-6 month dresses but forget about getting into those matching bloomers. Not with those thighs ....

You have quite a bit of strawberry blonde in your hair ... from Grandma perhaps? Anyway, it's absolutely gorgeous. I can't wait until the cradle cap goes away so we can stop washing your hair with Selsun Blue. It makes your head smell like it's on fire.

Strangers are constantly stopping me to tell me how cute you are. "Doll baby" they like to call you. When you smile, your whole face lights up. Your grins are accompanied by the sweetest-sounding laughs. Your brother is amazed by how "cooey" (his word) you are. It breaks my heart when he says he wishes he could be as happy as you.

If you had a theme song it would be "Stand" by REM. If you're awake, you want to be "standing" on my lap, on the couch, a kitchen counter, a table at Starbucks, anywhere really.

You started teething a few weeks ago. I don't think we'll see any actual teeth for a few more months but the excessive drooling and knawing on things has already started. I bought you some BPA-free teethers. G-d forbid you use any of the toxic ones your brother sucked on for months and months....

You love when I'm talking to my mom and I put her on speaker phone. "Bobi in the phone" garners huge smiles. Is it possible that you already understand the "rules" of conversation? Am I imagining that you're listening intently as she's talking, waiting a minute, and then taking your turn cooing before stopping to give her another turn?

You went on your first trip to the beach last month. It took us SEVEN hours to make the three and a quarter hour drive to Point Pleasant Beach in New Jersey. The boys were surprised and less than thrilled by this, but not me. I had predicted it would take that long with feeding and diapering stops. I'm used to everything taking longer these days and I've actually embraced the slower pace. It's not unusual for us to spend hours at the mall and only make our way INTO two or three stores. But we're connoisseurs when it comes to which local malls have the comfiest couches, aren't we?

You save your biggest smiles for your older brother. It makes my heart melt when I see how happy you are when we pick him up from camp. His love for you (as evidenced by the constant too hard kisses and the way he gets rightinyourface when he talks to you) is intense. I pray that as you get older you'll be able to appreciate this love. I fear that one day you'll wake up and whack him in the face and tell him to leave you the Hell alone. Aside from the usual sibling rivalry, I hope you'll be able to see beyond his annoying and unusual behaviors. He's started to experience some real rejection this summer at camp. I just don't think I could take seeing you reject him too.

I could stare at you all day. Okay, I HAVE been staring at you all day. You are beautiful. But it's more than that. You are joy and sweetness and all that's good in the world. And I love you more and more each day.

Would it be OK for the next 4 months to go by just a little more slowly?

All my love,

Mommy


* The SB moniker has been bugging me for some time now. He is still just as sweet but from here on, I'll refer to him simply as T.

**Tulipbaby sounds ridiculous as well especially now that E. has grown into her name.

All About the Boy

Do you remember this? Well, the Preppy Pink Crocodile has done it again! SB came home from school one recent afternoon to find the most amazing package waiting for him. Will you take a look at all the cool treats in this package .... outdoor stuff, indoor stuff, bathtime fun ..... awesome!! Thank you, thank you, KK, for making his day. I tried to get a photo of the individually wrapped items before he opened them, but he started to get really annoyed with me so I just let him "dig in." He always loves getting packages but to receive one ENTIRELY for him (with nothing for his baby sister) really made him feel special.

That's something we're been trying hard to do lately. As soon as D. gets home from work each night, he takes Tulipbaby somewhere OTHER than the playroom so that SB and I can have some uninterrupted time just the two of us. I'll be honest. By the time D. gets home there are many nights I'd just assume hand over the kids and lock myself in another room for a little breather. But we're hoping this special "SB Time" (as the therapist called it) will go a long way towards helping SB manage his jealousy over the new baby.

I finished reading this book .... excellent, RUN don't WALK to your nearest bookstore/amazon to pick up a copy. The therapist and I have decided to begin by targeting the area that is the most pressing right now. That's easy .... sleep. Even if he continues to wake up around 2 or 3 am. SB needs to start letting the rest of us sleep. The goal will be for him to stay in his room rather than running through the house like a crazy person and waking everyone up in the process.

Anyway, the therapist has suggested we make sure he has stuff to do in his bedroom ... activities that will hold his interest but not overstimulate him. We'll be moving some Legos and K'Nex type stuff to his room. She also suggested a notebook where he could draw or write about his bad dreams and then discuss them with us in the morning. Oh and a ziploc bag with a snack so he doesn't need to wake us for something to eat in the middle of the night.

Anyway, still in the planning stages ... I'll keep you posted.

And good news .... I finally got around to sending out updated photos of Tulipbaby and SB. Check your email!

Have a great week everyone. I'll be trying to stay afloat and counting down the days until the first day of camp.

More Randomness

1. It's that time of year again. Time to think about teacher gifts. Earlier this week I bought 8 of these at TJMaxx for $10 apiece. Instead of boring black, I found them in summer brights like raspberry, purple, and lime green. My thought was that I would give the tote alone to the teacher aides and add something in it for his classroom teacher and resource teacher. But what to add? A gift card? candy (not a favorite when I taught as I was always on some diet or other and usually ended up throwing it out)? Any ideas?

2. SB and I have finally started seeing a child psychologist, and I really think she is going to help us (yes, I realize that is the point, but I mean really HELP address so many different issues including sleep and accomplishing non-preferred tasks like homework and cleanup and feeding himself fruit .... all those things which are going to send me to an early grave if I don't get some help). I already have a homework assignment .... reading this book (which I should be doing right now instead of blogging .... hi Stimey! I feel your guilt).

3. Tulipbaby is thisclose to smiling real (ie... not gas) smiles.

4. I bought size 2 diapers today. How can she need size 2 already? Can I freeze time .... just for a little while?

5. If I hear "You know Mommy, if we hadn't had Tulipbaby, we wouldn't have to be sitting here in this parking lot feeding her a bottle for the past 30 minutes" (or some equivalent) one more time, I'm going to lose it.

6. I've become a little more "outspoken" (for lack of a better term) ... something about having a newborn/getting no sleep and managing a very difficult transition with a kid on the spectrum ..... has given me a certain "je ne sais quoi Frankly my dear I don't give a damn" attitude. Having spent my entire life obsessing and worrying about what others thought, this new outlook is quite liberating.

7. I want a personal trainer and a chef (who doesn't, right?). No wonder the celebs drop the baby weight so quickly. If I had someone to cook my meals for me, I'd be back to my pre-pregnancy weight too. Instead, the scale seems to be going in the opposite direction. I'm not eating junk; in fact, I'm still low-carbing it. My problem is making the easiest choices instead of the healthiest ones (ie... having peanut butter for the bazillionth time instead of taking the extra minutes to wash and cut some veggies).

8. Anyone have a good idea for a graduation present in the $25 - 30 range? Two of our neighbors' kids are graduating from high school, and I feel like I "should" be getting them gifts.

9. SB has tried three new things this week!! He tasted honeydew (I believe his exact words were "I should have tried this years ago!"), he made a valiant attempt to eat at this restaurant ("The fire still scares me; let's try again when I'm eight"), and he tasted a milkshake (the jury is still out on this but he may actually like what was previously too cold).

10. I'm thinking about sending some updated baby pics to my blog "friends" (hi Susan !). Sound good?

11. You know it's sad when ..... you have to buy your baby's bottles on ebay. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to get your hands on these? They are sold out everywhere ... all the online stores as well as the brick and mortar stores .... I finally gave in and paid an arm and a leg for 4 more of them on ebay.

Here's What I Know Now

One is not two (oh how I used to hate when other mothers made this comment).

Bonding with your newborn can happen instantaneously on the first day or gradually by day 30.

It's harder to put the baby down when you know it's your last.

Baby outfits with 6000 snaps are a royal PITA. So are bibs that tie around the neck, newborn size socks that don't stay on, and baby outfits that need ironing (seriously, we're now up to 3 linen outfits .... I don't buy linen for myself!!).

Precisely 2.5 minutes after you decide to lie down for a nap is when the baby will decide naptime is over.

Hearing your older child ask if you still love him will break your heart.

A gallon of water is A LOT of water.

A one gallon jug of water can drench pretty much everything in your kitchen.

One should refrain from storing open jugs of water within reach of angry jealous older siblings.

A little psychotherapy isn't a bad idea for articulate angry jealous older siblings.

Sometimes the worse a child's behavior, the more TLC he needs.

It is possible to simulatneously feed a baby, wipe a 7 year old's butt, cook rice (to counteract 7 year old's diarrhea), and talk on the phone to Daddy (who has called to say he'll be .... wait for it ..... home late!).

The best gift for a new mom? Aside from an offer to hold the baby for a few hours while she naps ... food. And while a nice home-cooked meal is always wonderful, offering to pick up takeout and drop it off is equally appreciated. One of my favorite gifts so far was from a friend who called to ask what I wanted for lunch, picked it up, and held the baby while I got to eat a hot meal (who knew an omelette could taste so good?).

Skimp on the baby gift if necessary, but whatever you do, don't skip the all-important gift for the older sibling.

Don't assume Dad knows anything. Otherwise you may wake up from your 2 hour nap only to spend the next 2 hours cleaning up the mess made when Dad allowed child #1 to take out every single bottle of acrylic paint (somewhere in the vicinity of 25 bottles) and every single paint brush, roller brush, etc. ..... of course, Dad was holding the baby so he couldn't clean anything up. And no, he didn't realize child #1 forgot to put newspaper down on the table or the splat mat down on the wood floor. But hey, isn't it great that he encouraged child #1 to do something creative?

Everything is a little bittersweet with the last baby.

It is possible for a baby to grow significantly larger overnight.

All baby formulas smell funny.

Mylicon drops are the lip-smackin' finger-lickin' equivalent of candy to a baby (whether or not they do a damn thing is debatable).

That 5-second rule? Becomes the 5-hour rule when it comes to the second child.

Leave the tags on baby clothes until you are sure they are the right size/season/etc. Staple receipts/gift receipts to the tags.

There is no such thing as too much pink.

Don't waste money on expensive bumper pads until after your baby's birth. Reflux babies who can only sleep on their tummies can't have bumper pads in their cribs. When I find a spare minute (ie.... in 18 years or so) I'll be listing a gorgeous barely used set of plaid Pine Cone Hill bumpers on ebay.

Even a solo outing to the grocery store at 10:00 p.m. can seem like a luxurious adventure when you've been home all day with a baby.

Don't call new parents .... especially during school hours if they have older school-age children .... email, drop by and stick a post-it on their door, send them a letter (even if they live 5 minutes away), whatever .... this may be their only time to sleep and your well-meaning phone call just might be the third one in a row to wake them up that day (argh!).

Don't ask a new mom what you can do to help. Tell her what you will do or give her a choice of 2 things (ie... cooking dinner or watching the baby for 2 hours while she rests).

Jotting a quick thank you note on the back of a baby announcement saves paper and postage.

Sleeping a total of 2 hours a night for 6 straight weeks will eventually result in a sick mommy.

It is possible to fall asleep during a salon shampoo (it's also possible to fall asleep while sitting on the toilet ... really anyplace will do when you've only had 2-3 hours a night for weeks on end).

It is possible to become so exhausted that you accidentally drop the baby after falling asleep while holding her. Twice. Can we say "mortified"?

Giving a constipated baby some prune juice before leaving the house .... not a good idea (especially for the germaphobes among us who refuse to use those disgusting changing tables in public bathrooms).

Taking a newborn baby and an older child on the spectrum shopping ... together .... even less of a good idea.

The bottoms of a baby's feet can rival the finest silks in the world for softness.

Holding a baby may just be the best therapy there is.

Snuggling both your children at once? Heaven.